Rough patches suck, but they are also signs of a mature, complex relationship. âBest of Elite Dailyâ stream in the Bustle App. This isn’t to say that you have to break up if you are not on the same page on major issues, but rather that you and your partner need to have frank, open discussions about how you will work around these areas of disagreement without having your relationship turn into a battleground. If partners cannot agree on larger issues — which may include religion, political leanings, the importance of sex and monogamy to the relationship, whether or not to get married or have kids, how much emphasis to place on career, or where to live — then it may be very difficult for their relationship to progress. If you are in a life threatening situation – don’t use this site. Fortunately, there are some ways to figure out whether you’re just in a low point or whether you need to consider ending your relationship. "Not every divorce is a failure," de Marneffe says. Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies share how they came out of the rough patches in their relationships. If this is the case with you and your partner, then you need to take a step back and recognize how challenging it may be to overcome the obstacles that these disparate values will place in your path. Even if you're still in the process of working on your own issues, simply expressing that to your partner can make a difference in your relationship. Ian Kerner is a licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor in New York City. And you'll probably save yourselves some unnecessary arguments when you realize that you can't expect your partner to be a mind-reader. But that doesn’t mean you should give up! Going through a rough patch in your relationship is inevitable. "We get hung up on the idea of having a lot in common with a potential partner," she says. Now, we want a partner in love, too. For instance, if you tend to interrupt your partner or act dismissive of their feelings, you can acknowledge that you're aware of the problem and are trying to change. Boredom can be a signifier of a low point, or a harbinger of the end of the relationship, depending on the severity. It's full of butterflies, sex (for some people), passionate kisses, long talks about your hopes and dreams, inside jokes that nobody else gets, and date nights that you literally cannot wait for. Here, she shares some advice for couples trying to get out of midlife rough patches, as well as for younger couples hoping to avoid them altogether. I often see this phenomenon in my own practice, as one or both partners begin to question their relationship. It's tempting to expect our partners to change to suit our preferences, but the tough work in marriage starts with yourself: If you don't know what you want or how to articulate that, how can you expect your partner to know? It is normal for partners to have different views on life in many areas. But, eventually, as time wears on, the good times fade in even the best relationships. Read along and take note. In "The Rough Patch," de Marneffe gives advice for tackling a variety of major relationship demands, including one of the biggest issues for many couples: money. At the end of the day, what works for every relationship is different. "That's all well and good, but your ability to communicate in a healthy way is more important.". "It's not all about your partner -- it's about changing yourself, too.". However, some rough patches are more serious than others, and are indicators that the relationship may not, or should not, survive. Here are a few common issues when couples go through rough patches, and what they mean for the future of your relationship. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues in the U.S. and abroad, despite the…, You may see your friend crying, hear your friend’s partner make demeaning comments towards them, or notice they…, Social media makes breakups way harder than they need to be, so you might want extra guidance during…, rut that your relationship has gotten into, How to Encourage Your Loved One to Start Therapy. Relationships can be difficult, and the majority of couples go through ups and downs as they determine whether they are compatible for the long haul. The beginning of a relationship is a beautiful thing. From there, the two of you can work on finding a solution the best way you know how. There is only so much bending that a relationship can take before it snaps like a dried up old twig. If you can come to a compassionate and responsible decision about your relationship, sometimes that's better for everyone. What's to be done when your relationship is in a rough patch? See the latest news and share your comments with CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter. Updated 2059 GMT (0459 HKT) March 9, 2018. "Good communication skills will help you talk sooner rather than later about difficult subjects, including financial concerns.". "You can say, 'I know that how I act affects you, I'm sorry, and I'm working on it,' " she says. Whether emotional or physical, infidelity can cause major conflict in a relationship. When you and your partner have mismatched libidos, The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together, Turning 50: How to make the most of midlife, Periods of difficulty among couples are common and can be overcome, Communication, listening and changing yourself are steps in mending a broken relationship. Maybe one of you has done or said something bad and the other is now trying to forgive them. "We want to have it all in a relationship, but that can be challenging.". Of course, when you're newly in love, hashing out finances is hardly sexy. Self-awareness and self-responsibility are critical ingredients to a successful marriage, de Marneffe says. However, if your boredom is unceasing and you fantasize continually about being with someone new, then you need to think deeply about whether this is right relationship for you. "Some divorcing couples understand each other better than some married couples do. You need to communicate! But are such couples headed for divorce, or are they simply mired in difficulties that could be better navigated together? However, some viewpoints or preferences may be so integral to people’s worldviews that their partner needs to share their views in order for the relationship to work out. Although not everyone acts out middle-age angst in such a way, many of us do experience a reckoning or longing as we approach midlife, the feeling of hitting a wall and wondering if there isn't more to life -- and in, particular, to marriage. (CNN)You buy a sports car, start hitting the gym and have an affair: It's the stereotypical midlife crisis, one we've seen played out both onscreen and in real life. ", If you've both given it your best shot and have concluded that you're not just in a rough patch, there's no shame in parting ways. And we live longer than ever. When you’re in a spot like this, you basically need to confront two main possibilities. One great way to introduce the topic into your relationship: follow de Marneffe's suggestion and read the first chapter together with your partner. You might be uncomfortable expressing your needs and desires at first, but learning how is the single most beneficial step you can take. Is this just a rough patch you need to get through together? If you are going through a rough patch in your relationship and are looking for ways to mend it, I've got them below! ", Follow CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter. … So... what are you supposed to do then? Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies share how they came out of the rough patches in their relationships. How do you come out of it? The one thing I know for sure? Or is it time to cut your losses and move on in separate directions? Here are some ways to help you get through them. You could be in a long-term relationship facing the ‘7 year itch’. Relationships can be difficult, and the majority of couples go through ups and downs as they determine whether they are compatible for the long haul. In "The Rough Patch," de Marneffe gives advice for tackling a variety of major relationship demands, including one of the biggest issues for many couples: money. Not many couples survive through rough patches especially if it’s not their first time dealing with certain issues. Try to figure out whether you’re bored with the rut that your relationship has gotten into, or bored with your partner as a person. If, on the other hand, fights are constant and never fully resolved, this is not a healthy pattern.
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